After completing this series of watercolors, I could never find a fitting title to give the collection a cohesive emotion.

One random afternoon, while chatting with the teachers from Jiechen's Study and the Qing'an team, we somehow stumbled upon the phrase "túláo" (futility), and so Nothing but Futility was born.

Some said it perfectly captured life as it is now. Others said it seemed a touch decadent. Still others said it resembled a hysterical despair toward the present.

Then one day, a poem by Borges — What Can I Hold You With — kept flashing unbidden through my mind. In that moment, I suddenly realized that "nothing but futility" is not a conclusion, but rather: "even if it is futile, let this futility happen."

Not just me — I believe many people in recent years have experienced a kind of collective, indirect anxiety, more unable than ever to foresee the direction or outcome of what they do. Like walking a cloud you can't catch through a deserted land; heading toward an unknown wasteland amid surging crowds; keeping a date that ends without resolution; choosing the mob to avoid loneliness; holding a silent conversation; waiting for a "Godot" that doesn't exist...

We use too much "meaning" to fight against this ordinary life, all ultimately just so we won't be so pessimistic — nothing but futility.

As Borges said: What can I hold you with? I offer you lean streets, desperate sunsets, the moon of the jagged suburbs... I offer you the sadness of a man who has looked long at the lonely moon. I offer you the memory of a yellow rose seen at sunset, years before you were born. I offer you explanations of yourself, theories about yourself, authentic and surprising news of yourself. I offer you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart; I am trying to bribe you with uncertainty, with danger, with defeat.

"Nothing but futility" is merely a disguise for the heart that longs to hold on; even if it is futile, let this futility happen.

这一批水彩在完成之后，我一直没有找到一个恰当的标题去给这组作品赋予一个完整的情绪。

偶然的一个午后，在和洁尘书房以及轻安团队的老师们闲聊当中我们突然聊着聊着就说起“徒劳”这个词儿，于是就有了“徒劳而已”。

有人说像极了现在的生活，也有人说略显颓废，还有人说这像极了对当下生活歇斯底里的绝望。

后来的某一天，无意中脑海里面反复闪现博尔赫斯的一首诗《我用什么才能留住你》。那一刻，我突然意识到，“徒劳而已”不是一种结果，而是“即使徒劳，也要让这徒劳发生”。

不只是我，相信很多人在这几年都会产生一种集体性间接式焦虑，比以往更无法预知所做之事的走向和是否有结果。就像是在荒无人烟之地遛一朵捉不住的云；在人群涌动下走向未知的荒原；去赴一场无疾而终的约会；为了避免孤独而选择乌合之众；进行一场缄默的对话；等待并不存在的“戈多”……

我们用太多的“意义”去对抗这平凡的生活，终究是为了不那么悲观，徒劳而已。

就如博尔赫斯所说：
我用什么才能留住你
我给你萧索的街道、绝望的落日、荒郊的月亮。
…………
我给你一个久久地望着孤月的人的悲哀。
我给你早在你出生前多年的一个傍晚看到的一朵黄玫瑰的记忆。
我给你关于你生命的诠释，关于你自己的理论，你的真实而惊人的存在。
我给你我的寂寞、我的黑暗、我心的饥渴；我试图用困惑、危险、失败来打动你。

一句“徒劳而已”，不过是为了掩饰想要留住的心；即使徒劳，也要让这徒劳发生。